We've been talking about having a second child. It's a surprisingly hard decision. So many factors to weigh up, but in the end it's more an emotional decision than a rational one. After all, it's hard to beat the logical argument of staying childfree, getting all the sleep you'd ever need and spend your massive cash savings on doing every fun thing ever.
Which, of course, is not entirely true. There are plenty of logical reasons to have children. I'm pretty sure I've discussed it before.
So I think it's a given that I love my daughter. She's wonderful . So why ruin that by throwing a huge unknown into the equation? On the other hand, loving another wonderful person would be… well… wonderful.
Then again, it would be nice to sleep in 2017. I've mostly gotten sleep back. I don't want to lose it again.
But I remember how much I just drank up every second of time with my daughter when she was a wee baby. Of course, a wee baby grows into a person, so having a baby because you love babies is just not a good idea. But seeing the world through fresh eyes exposes you to things you never considered. It's like having a Narnia in every closet.
I hated being a younger sibling. It's fine now. I get along quite well with my brother who is only 18 months older than me. But the first 12 or so years were nothing I'd wish on anyone. I don't want to turn my lovely daughter into someone who can be so unpleasant. I just hope that with a larger age gap there will be less trouble between them, and they'll have more ability to get along. I hope.
And all the injuries, both sudden and chronic. Sciatica. Herniated disk. Upper back pain. Lower back pain. Shoulder pain. Pretty much all the chronic ones stem from carrying the child and working at a desk. But new babies are small and light, and maybe I'll know my limits better this time. And I know a good masseuse. But, I thought I was old when I had R. I'm five years older now. I can see 50 from where I'm standing. Am I mad?
And I think of all the arguments I have with my daughter. How stubborn and out of control she gets. But there's also seeing her do things I never could have done at her age. She's already more comfortable bugging the waitstaff for the bill at a restaurant than I've ever been.
And there's all squicky unpleasantness that comes out of a newborn. But, once you've been rather graphically defecated on, a whole world of eew gross
just no longer matters anymore. Well, I guess I've got to clean that up and get on with it.
The weirdest thing is how different sex is when trying for a child. Recreational sex always has that undertone and fear of If something goes wrong this will change my life forever.
It's so different when trying for child, especially a second one when you know more of what you're getting in to. It's not about the fear, it's If this goes well this will change the whole world forever.
It's the butterfly effect in human form. This person will impact everyone they meet, who will impact everyone they meet, and then there's their descendants and their impact. Every single drop in the gene pool ripples out for the rest of history.
