Information overload

I've been slowly making my way through the reams of information they gave us at our first antenatal appointment. In six different places they describe what to expect on your first antenatal appointment. I was unable to find any of that online beforehand… there's some kind of irony in that somewhere. Not sure where, but the end result is that now we know what to expect from here on out — which is a good thing.

In a few of the booklets there are lists of everything which can go wrong with the pregnancy. I understand why it's there, but it is rather disconcerting. I find myself thinking, "well, what would I do?" to each of the various things that can go wrong. I also find myself getting paranoid about things that I can control. "Is there too much vitamin A in dinner? We had spinach last night, can I put a carrot in dinner tonight? Is there too much A in garden peas?. I even asked the midwife about it, and she told me not to worry as long as I don't cook liver, but somehow that hasn't set my mind at ease.

There's a thing called a Bounty Bag, which, as far as I can tell, is targeted advertising with information mostly cut-and-pasted from the NHS documents. Okay, I do it a disservice, since there is actually new material in there, but the majority of information is redundant. Which means in the 300 pages of documents, I probably only have to read like 50 pages of content — but I've no idea which 50 pages. Reading randomly seems to satisfy the engineer in me. I find things like Avoid sheep! which would have never occurred to me to do (mostly from the lack of live sheep in London), but I'm certainly going to do now.

Which most of the material seems reasonably professionally put together, I find much of it leaves out any mention of partners. One mothering magazine I read in the waiting room only mentioned men once in an article on postnatal nookie. I was hoping the article on going back to work, which claimed to give every possible option, would mention options for how to share the childcare load between two people. Not a mention — it was all about either staying at home, or working and getting full time childcare.

Most of the Bounty Bag material is the same, with little mention of men, and almost all photos just mums with babies — which is who they are trying to sell too, so I should not be surprised. The NHS material does a better, more complete job of it, which I appreciate. But, to be honest, what I'd like is a Useful Things a Partner Can Do During Gestation booklet. I suspect that's not going to be coming my way anytime soon. Though any advice in the comments on this blog would be appreciated.

Gestation begins now

The point of this blog is to note down somewhere the process of becoming a father. I've read dozens of blogs from women detailing all the things they go through in becoming a mother, but few men I know go into anything but the most superficial details. I'm partly curious to see if it's a personal thing or something inherent in the fact that all the action happens somewhere else. So, without the squicky bits, is there anything to blog about?

I’m going to keep this anonymous for a while, mostly due to the fact we’ve not told anyone at all. Finding out you’re going to be a grandparent via a blog is a little cold, as I see it.

Now that that's out of the way...

It’s been 4 days since the test showed up positive. We’d suspected something since her period was really quite late at this point. We used a bog standard pee-on-a-stick test. When three minutes passed she told me I had to look at it. Fair enough. It was clearly positive. No ambiguity there. I just handed it to her... I wasn’t speechless. But I was surprised how much of a shock it was. I mean, it was not a surprise and nothing unexpected, but somehow it being real just was different. I somehow keep being surprised that I’m just made of meat and hormones and not just sense and logic. So when I get life-changing news I am stunned and I do babble and falter. I put on the kettle and made tea.

Of course, I don’t drink tea. But, being British it just felt the right thing to do for such a momentous event.

This was around 10 on a Friday night. We spent the next couple of hours backtracking to when she must have conceived and when she’ll be due. She estimates that she’s just shy of 5 weeks along and will be due on 23 July. We decide we won’t tell anyone til she can get to the GP and get a proper test from a proper doctor to be sure.

Saturday is spent with various friends at the pub and dinner. The only issue was making excuses for her not drinking. Easy enough to avoid. Or at least I tell myself that no one noticed me switching wine glasses with her when mine got low, then switching again, when mine was empty.

Sunday night we decide we need to sort out our diet. This is important for me to know, since I do just about all of the cooking. I’d been trying for ages to get our diet a bit more diverse, but now I really need to.
Folic acid! Lots of it. Oh the beans our diet will need. So many.
Vitamin D. That’s, ummmm…. mushrooms and sunlight. We’re fine for mushrooms, but sunlight? In England? In winter? We’ll just hope eggs, salmon and soy milk will do.
Vitamin A, but not too much. How much is too much? Is a big carrot too much? How do I go nutrient overboard and just leave out A? Then there’s the rest of the Bs. So I make pasta. With a sauce that has all the veg in the world in it. She computes that it’s shy on D but otherwise hits all the marks.

She can’t get an apt with the GP til Tuesday. She gets an early slot and calls me at work when she’s done. Yup she’s preggers. Yup, she’s 5 weeks along. Yup she’s due on the 23^rd of July. And, yeah, she still needs folic acid supplements. The cook in me is slightly offended.

Today is Wednesday and we’re planning to tell both sets of parents. I’ll post later how that goes.