Pox

The girl came down with chicken pox Tuesday night. She was exposed when we went on holiday at the beginning of the month, right after her birthday. An unfortunate gift that ironically took the same route as a lot of her hand-me-downs.

Incubation period is supposed to be up to 3 weeks. I was trying to keep her away from crowds and other babies, just in case. And as more time passed she stayed clean and we figured she got lucky. Or maybe the fact she's still breastfeeding helped. But no. The first spots came Tuesday night and the number seemed to grow exponentially. By now she's completely covered with hundreds of pox from head to toe – though the growth seems to have plateaued.

To all those who have told me over the years that if you get chicken pox really young, you hardly get any spots at all – that's clearly a myth. Stop telling people that.

I'm really worried she's going to end up scarred for life. I caught chickenpox at 33. It was a nasty case and I ended up in hospital for five days. I was completely covered from head to toe, about the same amount as the girl is now. Today I have little white scars scattered all over my body. My scalp and forehead are awkwardly lumpy from where chunks are missing from the subdermis. I'd hate for the girl to have put up with this for effectively her entire life.

I'm also really furious with people who take a lackadaisical attitude toward exposure to the pox. Yes, it's an inconvenience to have to stay at home if you or your child might potentially have chicken pox. But you don't go out and slash random people with razors – which kind of amounts to the same thing.

While she's not getting more spotty, she's been getting more and more fragile. She still has her chipper periods, when she acts like her normal self. But it's so easy to set her off on crying bouts which are really hard to console. So far it seems to be a moderate fever and bad moods. So while it superficially looks as bad as what I'd had, at least it doesn't itch much (yet?). Perhaps she's been hit especially hard because she was just getting over a cold when she caught it. Or maybe it's just genetic from me.

Plus I feel insanely guilty for exposing her. I had wanted to get her vaccinated when she turned one (Privately. They annoyingly don't believe in the varicella vaccine in the UK – but then again, they don't believe in allergy shots either). I should have cut short the holiday the moment it was clear the other child had the pox. I misunderstood how long the disease is contagious, so the girl was constantly exposed for another 4 days or so, guaranteeing that she'd come down with it.

It's hard to not apologise for putting her through this every time I see her. I just hope I'm overreacting. I'll know in a couple of weeks.

Ouch

Yesterday was my second hospital visit with the girl. But this time it was me that was injured.

Our flat is in a bit of a state. Boxes moved from the nursery where L started, but did not complete, putting up rails and things (drill bit broke in the middle). Luggage still unpacked from our recent seaside holiday. All together it makes for a cluttered place not completely safe for a little girl. Which means we have to keep an eye on her when she's playing to make sure she does not stray or play with inappropriate things.

I was in the office working on the PC trying to psyche myself up for doing a bit of taxes. The girl was in the next room with L occasionally running from one room to the other. At one point L said she's heading for the stairs!

I leapt off my box toward the door to catch her, with visions of her tumbling down the stairs and ending up in A&E again.

Instead, I put my foot down on the luggage which slipped from under me, sending me falling to the floor. I came down hard on my left arm and right knee. And slightly less hard on the rest of my limbs. I just lay there on the floor while L spirited the girl away to her cot and fetched some ice for my injuries. Two year old broadbeans, to be specific.

A bit of I think I broke my arm, followed quickly by a Actually no, I'm fine, I'm fine, followed a few minutes later by a OMFG OW! and I declare we're going to UCH for a bit of X-rays before in the influx of Saturday night injuries start.

This time we get public transport to hospital. L's got the girl all bundled up in the sling, and I'm limping alongside them. It was slow, but all was fine until the queue at A&E. I arrived at the magical time where there was a queue, but appear to have been the last person top show for for at least half an hour. I assume I came at the cutoff time after which people should sleep on their injuries rather than face the Saturday night crowd.

When I finally go the the head of the queue I could barely stand. Which meshed well with the receptionist who had reached the end of her shift and could barely think.

Who is your next of kin?

My wife over there [I point to L who is walking the girl around the room].

Okay. Did you come with anyone today?

[Long awkward pause] Yes.    My wife.    Over there.

Oh, you're married now? Congratulations.

[and so on]

I got seen by a doctor who ruled out a broken elbow, but decided my knee needed X-raying. They gave me a handful of painkillers and sent me to the X-ray queue. 45 minutes later a new doctor sees me and says nothing is broken in my ever-swelling knee, but my arm might not be not-broken after all, and it now needs X-rays. I think Whatever. I'm not planning on having any more kids.

More queuing and waiting, and by now the girl is asleep in the sling in L's arms. The doctor says Nope. Not broken. Keep things elevated, get some rest, but move around. And you're not excused from carrying the baby. – a mixed blessing that.

I get out 3 hours after arriving, starving for some food. It was 11, so we'd pretty much missed any decent restaurant in the area (the main reason I decided we'd go to UCH) and also would miss any decent take-away by the time we got home.

Fortunately the girl sleeps all the way through the trip home and being put in her cot. Meanwhile I make us adults a pasta dinner followed quickly by collapsing in bed.

Not the best end to the day, but it at least was only a few wasted hours followed by random pain and discomfort. So I decided to pretend we just had a bad night out at the pub.

366 days later

Monday, 30 July, 12:30 in the morning. The girl woke up very congested and could not sleep. After trying to settle her with no luck, we took her to sleep in the bed with us. Which she did. In her usual big-arms way – leaving me about 10 inches to sleep in. Eventually she's breathing well enough and L takes her to sleep in her own cot. Around 4ish I fall asleep.

8:30 exactly. The wife and I wake to the sound of her crying. I smile and say to L This better be important.

She laughs and and we get up to the girl's first birthday.

Again, it's a not-very-rushed breakfast of smoothies for everyone. The girl gets her first blueberry smoothie. She drinks a bit, but not very much. We prepare for an afternoon in the park. The weather claims to be an island of no rain in a week of drizzles and thunderstorms. Her party on Sunday was rained out, and we ended up all squeezed into our dining room.

Monday was much better. Though quite chilly for most of the day. We went to the park to try out her new scooter. Ever since she got it she's been trying to play with anything scooter-sized with wheels – most of which belong to other people, so I have to drag her away crying. Not the nicest side-effect.

After much rolling around the park, we went to a birthday picnic hosted by the other child in our NCT group that was born on the same day. There was much frolicking with other babies of her age followed by a tuckered-out trip home.

The first birthday is the last one for the parents. It was our celebration of having kept her alive for a year. She'll never remember this, so all we needed to do was a have a good time and take lots of pictures of her having fun. From here on out, it's her birthdays and it will be all about her. I've got to figure out more baby-flavoured fun by then.

Advice for my daughter on her birthday

Some months before my daughter was born, I started writing down (well, writing in emails to myself) things I've learned over the years that might save her some trouble to know. I've been holding onto this for a while now, so I'm putting this out there now so she can read it when she's able.

The rest of this post is for her.

…

In honour of your first birthday, here's some advice from me to you. It won't make sense to you now, but it will at some point. I could just wait and tell you these in person over the years, but I felt it would help their creditability to you by posting them anonymously on the internet.
All of these have stood the test of time and helped me over the years. All I can hope is that some of this might make your life a little better.

Never get the cheapest of anything unless you know exactly what you're getting into. There's a reason it's cheap, and if they could legally make it cheaper, they would.
That said, if it's cheap and small enough, experiment. Sometimes the cheapest option is the one which leaves out all the crap you don't want.

Start a skin care regime by 20 at the latest. You'll appreciate it when you're 40 and people are constantly shocked to find out how old you are.

Never tell someone when you find something is broken. A fair chunk of the time they'll just not notice and make it work anyways. Thanks for letting me stay at your place. As thanks, I baked you some cookies. – oh, I meant to tell you, that oven has never worked since I moved here.

Rocket science is easy – it's rocket engineering that's hard. Anyone with a pencil and a basic knowledge of maths can figure out the escape velocity to get into the desired orbit. The hard thing is figuring out what chemical reaction will get the rocket up to speed. But without exploding the rocket. Or destroying the ground under it. Or what to make it strong enough to bear the strain, but not too heavy to lift. And make sure it goes in the right direction (up). And with a reasonable acceleration to not destroy the payload. And that doesn't include what to do once it's in orbit. Engineering is like art. You never finish a project – you just declare it good enough it and hope for the best.

Dare to be different is easy. Anyone can be contrary. The hard thing is to dare to be the same. It's okay to like what everyone else likes if you really do like it.

Follow you dreams, but remember, someday you'll actually finish them. And then what? Keep in mind what you want to do next. When playing pool the trick is not to just get the ball in the pocket, but to set yourself up to make the next shot as well.

Don't be too afraid of trying something new. The world can take you to wonderful places if you let it.

Just because someone doesn't like you doesn't mean you shouldn't be nice to them. There's no point in being mean to them, and if they're actually a decent person, they'll eventually come round.
Likewise, just because you don't like someone, doesn't mean you should be mean to them. Actually, not being mean to those you don't like makes them that much more tolerable.

You can do anything if you have enough time or enough money. With enough effort a single dedicated person can produce a world-class creation. Don't be put off trying something because you don't have the materials or aren't qualified. And don't be afraid to ask for help from people you trust.

Not everything you feel makes sense. You're just a bag of meat and hormones that thinks it's a person – just like everyone else. Learn to recognise when there's a good reason for you to feel sad, tired, angry or whatever. And also recognise when it's just because your body is just out of whack.

When you're wrong, admit it. Then try to fix it. Then move on. Rarely are the consequences of screwing up worse than the gaping hole of trust denial leaves.

Patience is not a virtue. You can end up just watching life pass you by. Do it now. And if you fail, there's still time to try again later.

Keep a duplicate of all your essential medicines, toiletries and makeup in a small bag. Spontaneous adventures are much more fun when you feel clean and looking your best.

That which does not kill you only sometimes makes you stronger. But it still really hurts and always takes time to recover.

Time spent clubbing till the wee hours is not wasted. Some of my closest friends to this day were met clubbing. And the dancing is great exercise – I'd never been so fit in my life than when I was going out 5 nights a week. Plus, learning to get by with lots of exertion and minimal sleep is invaluable if you ever have a baby.

I'd say Trust your instincts, but that really does depend on having some quality instincts in the first place. That will come in time. Until then, don't overthink things. Your first guess is usually correct, or close enough.
With enough second guessing you can convince yourself anything is true. The scary thing is, everything you think might be true probably is – to some degree. And the thing you thought of first most likely came to mind because it's the biggest factor.

Most people are wrong. The best admit they don't know. The worst just lie and make something up.

And finally, take advice with a grain of salt. Take this advice with a grain of salt. Don't just learn what people tell you, understand it. Use it, discard it or replace it with something better. And when you have something better, pass it on so someone else can use it or perfect it.

You've been amazing so far and I'm sure you'll get by just fine. It's been a delight just seeing the person you're becoming. And I'm kind of jealous for all the good things you've got ahead of you. Happy birthday sweetie!

The next generation

The other day I saw a presentation about designing things for today's youth market – "Generation Y" – which got me thinking what the traits of my daughter's generation will be like?

I grew up in the US squarely in Generation X. The aimless slackers from the 80s built a future for ourselves in the Internet in the 90s. We had the first taste of what the future would be like. It wasn't flying cars and jetpacks. It was instant communication with everyone you know, all the worlds knowledge at your fingertips, and your brain half-delegated into the cloud, accessible wherever and whenever you wanted.

Generation Y grew up with the web already in place, but missing that overall sense of no future gotten by growing up under Reagan or Thatcher. They seem to have much more sense of entitlement. Not than Gen X doesn't have that too — not everyone my age grew up expecting to live in Brazil, Delicatessen or Clerks. But the sense of why can't I have nice stuff? seems pretty strong in today's pop culture.

The meeting of Gen Y's instant gratification with the smartphonification of the internet is the generational change that even the most hypersocial Gen Xer has trouble keeping up with. Where Gen X tried to change the world with technology, Gen Y seems to be building a place for making money and getting nice things, a la App stores and Kickstarter.

So with Generation Y being always on, always connected and comfortable living in public, what's Generation Z going to be like? How are they going to think? What are they going to build that's going be so different that I can't imagine it?

What happens when all you've ever known is that you can hear any song, watch any movie, know any fact, find any recipe, read any book, take any class, at any time with no effort? Do you get lazy with too many choices? Will misinformation drown out the real media and real facts (Are you sure Mark Twain didn't write Tale of Two Cities? My online comp lit class covered him during the Naturalism movement.)

How much effort we spent finding that hidden gem of a song/book/movie/whatever was a blessing for our generation as well as a tragedy. They were hard to find, but once we got it, we really appreciated it. When we got our hands on that album we'd been hunting for ages, we listened to it over and over until we could recite the whole thing end-to-end in our sleep. And there was that movie we finally saw at 35 that would have changed our lives if we saw it when it came out when we were 17.

Will Gen Z be better off having everything at their fingertips? Never missing out on that lost opportunity? Or will they be so blasé about it that they never bother to watch anything more than once, if even that? Will anything have the chance to really impact or will it just be one more byte in the feed?

I focus on this because it's the most obvious trend I can see coming to a point in the next decade or so. There's lots of other technological things I can see coming, but social trends they usher in are much harder to predict. I've always been a little ahead of the game on using internet for communication (I was researching the mobile computing and social networking back in 1995), so I'd like to think I can at least have a chance of getting in the head of my daughter's generation on that front.

But will the mobile internet still be the defining factor on her generation? There are so many things that we appear to be on the crux of. Climate change, alternative energy, bio and nano tech, air travel, economic/political turmoil… All of those are potential game changers. It's hard to picture what could happen, let alone how it's going to affect culture.

Baby sat

Our first professional babysitter went off without much of a hitch.

The biggest problem was using an online-only agency. We could book, but not give any special instructions. And I really did feel that when sitting a kid for the first time, a heads-up about what they're like would be useful. But there was no way to put that info in the booking, and they only contacted me via SMS, with no return number. So there was no way to say the important essentials:

• She's walking and quite mobile, but can't manage stairs on her own yet.
• We use cloth nappies
• Take her to the loo whenever she wakes up – it usually means she has to go
• She will usually fight and complain when going to sleep
• We've no TV. Bring something to read or a laptop or phone.

That alone would have avoided the surprises the sitter had when she got here. Each datum we told her was followed by a bit of raised eyebrow making it clear this would not be a usual sit. Only the lack of TV warranted an Oh no! from the sitter, in that usual English ambiguously mock tone where you can't tell if they're serious or not.

I did spend the effort in the afternoon setting up a guest wifi account so she could get online, but not access our intranet or require us to change our passkey afterwards. But she didn't bring anything internetly with her. On the uninformed front, I too didn't know what we were getting beyond someone with a female first name. I was more expecting a 20 year old net-savvy txt-maniac. Not the I've brought a newspaper grandmother we got. On the bright side, at least she'd seen cloth nappies before. 15 years ago.

Regardless, it went off as we'd hoped. We left the flat and heard not a peep from her. We got home at 1am and the girl was asleep. And when the girl next woke, she wasn't visibly distressed or anxious from having us gone.

This bodes well for future sittering. Though at £50+ for a night I'd really like to keep it to a minimum.

Baby sitter

Tomorrow we're getting our first real baby sitter. Hiring a professional to come in and look after the child while we go off to an evening wedding.

I really don't know the etiquette for this. We don't have a TV. I don't have any computers in the house I'm comfortable letting a stranger use. Do I give the sitter our Wifi key and tell her to bring a laptop or phone? Tell her to bring a good book? She's going to sit in our house for 7 hours – maybe 5 or so after the kid's gone to bed.

Do I provide food for her? The sitter, not the baby. The baby gets all the milk she needs (L's been pumping). Do I leave something for the sitter? Um, there's oatmeal and lemonade and some left-over pasta sauce in the fridge. And help yourself to espresso. Somehow I don't think that'd be too appealing.

And looking at our house from the perspective of a stranger — man it's unevenly cluttered. Yes, it's a bit messy. that we can tidy up. But a lot of things just have no "away". They came into the house after the baby was born and have just sat on a sofa or chair or table, and that's as away as they get. At least through some rather hard work in the past week from L we can now walk from one end of the nursery to the other without having to jump over something (which I can kind of pretend was a makeshift baby gate).

On a similar note, today she found the off switch for the router. She just crawled over and cheerily flicked the switch on the surge protector. Fortunately the PC plugged into it was off, but it killed the internet for a bit. Perhaps it was because I stopped her from pulling the books off the shelves? Regardless, I've got to find a way to have my stuff and her stuff coexist in the same rooms.