Can cook, won't eat

The other day I was chatting with someone who said My mum is a terrible cook. Before my politeness brain filter could kick in I found myself saying Perhaps it wasn't her. Maybe she was a great cook before you were born. Maybe she loved cooking. And once you were born you refused to eat anything she liked or knew how to cook. And all she was left with was throwing together some ingredients you hadn't turned up your nose to lately and hoping for the best, which just left everyone with a general sense of disappointment.

So that conversation ended with a terse maybe and a quick change of topic. But it did get me thinking about how my daughter is going to look back at dinners when she's older. For most of her life so far, she won't eat anything I like or know how to cook. The things she consistently likes is pretty much limited to chocolate, nuts, chips and pasta. Plus her new discovery: cheddar (aka, the thing she couldn't stand 6 months ago). I can't eat the first two and won't cook chips, and since she won't eat pasta sauce all I can cook that I know she'll eat is pasta with some kind of cheese – I'm now spending too much of my time manually putting tuna or peas inside the gaps in conchiglie just in hopes she gets some greens and protein

At this point I'm making dinner once or twice a week. Which is a radical change from the days of getting antsy when I skipped cooking for a night or two. I keep experimenting without any luck.

It always goes like this: You like x, I've made a tasty dish with x. Give it a try

…

Oh well. I guess that's the last time I cook x.

Repeat until all foods are gone.

About a decade ago I developed a number of food allergies which decimated what I can eat. After removing foods L doesn't like or want to eat I'm left with a restricted set, but something I can make nice things out of. Once I drop the girl's preferences out of it, I'm pretty much left with sautéed nothing with salt to taste.

I'm not going to make two dinners a night – one of her and one for us, because, damnit we're a family and we are going to eat dinner together. So that's what I'm not going to do. I have no idea what I am going to do.

No idea how to solve this one beyond wait and hope. I know her tastes will change, but waiting solves nothing.

TV time

We stayed in a cottage on holiday recently. The girl got bored so we put on the TV to give her something to do while we settled in the place.

Now we don't own a TV. We don't bother. Between DVDs and streaming services we've more than enough to keep us all occupied. So, in 2002, when L and I did the bit move to London we decided to just not bother getting a TV. We'd just see how long we could get by without one. Turns out, it's been 14 years and, judging from this trip, that's not going to change anytime soon.

The TV at the cottage had Freeview (I think it's called). When I last had a TV there were 5 channels, so I can't really tell the difference between cable and satellite and whatever the other options are. It's like sexing a pigeon – I'm sure I could figure it out if I really had to, but there's not much to gain by doing so.
Anyway, There were a few dozen channels with the 3 or 4 free kids stations. So searching for something to watch was essentially switching between these stations.

We finally found something the girl likes, Nina and the Neurons, a short little educational science show where a scientist (well, really an actress dressed in a white lab coat, because having a conventionally dressed woman and calling it "Katrina and the Neurons" would just raise unnecessary comparisons) answers a question involving the five senses. Plus there's kids to read scripted questions and be dragged around to prove points¹.

The show is 10 or 15 min long. When it came to an end, and the girl exclaimed Another!

We needed to have The Talk. The talk about how TV works. I was expecting to have to do this at some point, but I'd not realised it be so soon.

We can't. It's over. There's no more.

But I want to watch another. I don't like this. (she didn't like the show that was on next)

It's not like I don't want you to see another. It's just there is no more. It's just not on now.

Why can't I see another?

It's not us. It's the TV. This is called television. It looks a lot like watching a video, but it's not. There are people out there who schedule a show. That means they decide when a show is going to be on. And when that show is over. They don't let you see another. It's not us. We're happy for you to see another. It's the people at the TV station who do the scheduling.
After a show is over, if you're lucky they don't let you see another only for a whole day. In most cases they don't let you see another one for a whole week. Or longer. That one Nina and the Neurones is all you get. That is it. No more.
That's why we don't have a TV. It's just madness.

She tried watching another show for a few minutes. And after that we turned off the TV and she never showed any interest in it again.

Singing something new

Bedtime has always been trouble. Ever since day zero it’s been hard for me to get the girl to sleep. She just has such a hard time letting go and relaxing. So much fidgeting and distractions.

When she was very young bouncing up and down helped a lot. I’d hold her in my arms and bounce with my knees, about a hundred or so times while either counting or singing. It wouldn't always work, but at least it helped my horrible horrible knees improve, at least a little. Of course I can’t do that now. She weighs too much to hold until she falls asleep.

The other trick which works to a degree was our Bowie bedtime playlist. Life on Mars was the first song she ever fell asleep to own her own volition. So we made a set of that and 5 other early Bowie songs to help her get to sleep. We've been using that with minor variations for 4 years now. The only notable change is I dropped I'm Afraid of Americans once the girl started paying attention to the lyrics. I use the playlist to measure how long it takes her to fall asleep. The worst bedtimes the playlist loops 4 or 5 times.

1. Life on Mars
2. I'm afraid of Americans
3. The Man who Sold the World
4. Space Oddity
5. Changes
6. Starman
7. Ashes to Ashes

She also likes being sung to. I've tried a number of songs over the years. There are 3 staples plus another few backup songs I use. But she's refused all of them at bedtime for several months now.

A couple of weeks ago she asked for me to sing her something I've never sung her before. I reached into my lyric-poor memory and pulled out one of the backup songs I'd not sung her since she was two, This Corrosion. She stopped me once I got to the chorus saying No. Something you've never sung to me.

So, my hindbrain just pulls out of some dark corner of my memory The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island. Which was weird, but it went down well. Sort of, her reaction was straight of Galaxy Quest - those poor people. I had to explain it was just a sea shanty and it's purely fictional.

Were you there?

No. It's just a story from before I was born.

How did they live? Did they build huts?

Yes. Huts. They lived on the Island for a number of years, but they got rescued and returned to California where they all were from. But it had all changed, and they had trouble adjusting.

Oh. Sing me another song you’ve never sung me before.

My brain was a bit more cooperative this time, and provided me a song I'd not sung her sing she was 6 months old, Enjoy the Silence. She loved it. She hugged me every time I sang All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms. And she was out like a lamp by the time I was done.

She’s asked for it again every night I’ve put her to bed since.

Though she did call it Enjoy the Patience the first time she asked for it.

And I've never had to sing it to her more than twice to get her to sleep. I've not had to put on the normal bedtime playlist once. It's scary that it works. I'm now having an easier time getting her to bed than L does, which is freaky weird. Really freaky weird. So at this point, every night I'm terrified that this time it'll fail. But I also love the fact that she loves the song so much, and squeezes me when singing along to … here in my arms… It's delightful.

I've also introduced The Sun and the Rainfall and will probably pull in other Depeche Mode songs from A Broken Frame if this starts to fail. Which it might, since I've probably jinxed it by talking about it. Still – the surprising power of Depeche Mode.

Are clowns just people dressed as clowns?

We were in a car recently with the girl, her aunt and her 2 year old cousin. At the side of the road there were two clowns showing off for tourists. I thought it was amusing, so I pointed out to the girl.

Look. Clowns. Over there,.

What? Where?

The two people with the funny hair by the side of the road.

Oh... I didn't think clowns existed.

Um… Yeah. Clowns exist. They're real. It's not like Sa—I look at her cousin and rethink my approach err, something that people make up, like ummmm. Mythological things. Fairies. Yokai.
People dress like clowns. It happens.

Ok.

Turns out that, when given the opportunity, I wouldn't give away spoilers on Santa Claus to her cousin make up for her aunt giving away the Skywalker family spoilers in
Star Wars.

First day of school

Big first: R started reception today (that's kindergarten for the non-Brits out there). She's in school now. For the next who-knows-how-many years. Somewhere between 14 and 22 (if she's anything like me). So that's going to take a bit of time.

I walked her to her new school today. We did the obligatory stuff. A special breakfast (R2-D2 shaped porridge)). A whole bunch of pictures at home both before we left and then getting on the scooter and getting our adventure on.

We live in Stoke Newington, which is a home to organic free range children. So you can imagine the number of people doing the same thing as me. I passed a family taking pictures of their kids in front of their house. I passed 3 neighbours on the way to the school and saw at least 3 more inside. It felt like being a part of a community, not at all like the middle of a megacity. Weird. Nice, though.

One of the neighbours I passed on the way asked So who is her teacher?

Um... not sure. R, do you remember your teacher's name?

Errrrrr. No.

I should probably find that out, shouldn't I?

Yeah.

A quick SMS back and forth to the wife gave us the name of the teacher, but that didn't help the confusion I faced next.

We got the school and entered into the playground. It was full. Hundreds of children, parents, maybe teachers too. It was a bit chaotic. All I knew is that I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. I deduced from the scooter lock-up by the gate I should probably get R off her scooter. But beyond that, no clue.

I remembered the confusion I had as a kid for things like this — big masses of people and I was supposed to be somewhere specific in it, doing something. Well, turns out it's just as bad for the parent. I found the line-ups for the years 1-7, but not reception. I eventually found a neighbour and asked, and she told me where to find the reception classrooms. So I just had to dodge the queues and masses of children to make my way to the other side of the school. I picked up the girl and said, hold on tight, and swooshed through to relative calm of the other side.

I didn't need the teacher's name after all. I kind of recognised her from her home visit. So at least I was spared the embarrassment of dropping her off in the wrong class. Just an uncomfortable Am I in the right place? was enough.

They stagger the start day for the reception classes, so each day 6 new people start. Which means today there was R and 5 others. Not overwhelming at all, which is good. I stood around with her, helping her adjust and commiserating with the parents of another child from our street.

Her day was a bit marred by having slept on her neck funny. She woke up in the middle of the night with neck pain. By morning her neck hurt so much she was only comfortable tilting it to one side. So she was far less enthusiastic about the whole thing than I expect she normally would have been. Still, she braved her way through it. And I explained to the teacher to bear with her and she'd be more excited in time.

Her teacher dropped the hint that I should be heading out, so I and the two other remaining parents took off, leaving the kids sitting on a rug about to be addressed together for the first time.

She just turned 4 a month ago. I was 5½ when I started school. So I've no feeling at all for what she must think of all this. She's as ready as anyone else there, but that doesn't change that's it's a lot to take in.

L picked her up after school. By then her neck was ok and she was in a better mood. She spoke of the other children she met and what they played with. So that went well.

Another 3000 or so more days to go.

The planets

So today the daughter and I got to talking about Mars, and how there used to be water but it all evaporated out into space. We then got talking about the formation of the solar system and all the planets and how life formed on earth, and so on. It was really kind of fun.

Then we started talking about Pluto and I showed her the most recent photos of it, and how no one really knew what it looked like two months ago, but now it's all available in great detail.

So from there, we found some youtube videos explaining the size of the planets, the distance between them, how the sun works and so on. She really liked it, especially the ones where the planets sang. So I let her watch a bunch more on her own.

When I came back, she was even more excited about it all. She declared we were gas giants and she was Jupiter and I was Saturn, and her doll was the earth. And mamma was the sun, of course. She told me earth was the only planet with water since Mars didn't have any. I reminded her that Saturn's rings were mostly ice and Europa is entirely covered in frozen water. When I asked if she knew that Europa was a moon of Jupiter she just replied Of course I know that. I was actually a bit surprised that she actually took in everything.

When I put her to bed tonight, she pretended we were in outer space wearing space suits and heading to the bathroom on a space station. She pointed out all the planets on the way there. When she got to bed, I told her there was only time for a very short story. When I finished, instead of asking for another, she asked me to tell her all about the planets. So I started with the Sun (which all planets need for energy – which I'm pretty sure isn't actually true), then on to from Mercury, all the way to Pluto. Since she was still awake I went on to Eris, the Oort cloud (I'd have mentioned the Kuiper belt if I knew how to pronounce it), and comets. She still wasn't asleep, so I brought up exoplanets and that just got her more excited. After that I was grasping at straws. Haley's comet. Solar and lunar eclipses...

One of the last things she said before she dozed off was I learned a lot today.

It made my heart melt a bit.

Superheros

Out of the blue one day the girl says Tell me a story about the hulk.

Now I know that she knows something about superheros. After all Spiderman was fixture at her nursery, with her being shown Spiderman cartoons (I've no idea which ones) on some of the off days. She recognises Superman and Batman and Spiderman and Wonderwoman, but beyond the cape means they can fly I'm not sure she knows what they're all about. All I can tell is that she knows just enough about superheros to understand that they are more like fairly tales or myths.

So I try to explain to her The hulk has anger problems and when he gets really upset he turns into a giant green rage monster. And feels the need to break things around him.
Also, when he gets mad he also loses his grammar and speaks about himself in the third person. He calls himself Hulk instead of Bruce – possibly it's a self esteem thing. So he says Hulk Smash instead of I'm so angry I could break things.

She pauses for a bit and thinks about what I said. And comes back with So after going to the loo he says Hulk wash hands! instead of I need to wash my hands.?

Clearly she seems to have gotten the basics of the Hulk.