Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Now we are frozen

I assume she's been talking about Frozen with other children since she started nursery. Because in the past fortnight she's declared her name is Anna and I am Elsa.

It was fun at first. We had pretend snowball fights and made pretend snowmen and bunnies and mice and elephants, and even a pretend ice castle in the living room. She'd declare Now you're Queen Elsa and Now you're little Princess Elsa.

I found her singing Let it go very loudly in public toilets a bit disquieting.

Then on day two she decided her mum was Other Elsa.

On day three I was demoted full time to Princess Elsa and her mum was Queen Elsa. It felt like my old job all over again. (I'm sorry, you're not Scandinavian enough to do your job)

Now she's still demanding we call her Anna. Whenever we call her by her real name, she says Say Anna. Every. Single. Time.
She even introduces herself to people as Anna. I suspect she likes it better than her actual name since small children have an easier time pronouncing it.

She's seen the movie, in full, once, plus that time on the plane when she saw half of it. So, good for her with the good memory.

She told us this will last for several weeks. It can't be over fast enough for my tastes. I'm a bit tired of the whole princess thing, but I am more sick of being introduced has her sister.

Friday, 24 October 2014

The sparkle in your eyes keeps me alive

It's kind of weird how songs take on a completely different meaning once you have children. You'll just never hear them the same again, and after a while you'll start to question if you ever actually knew what the song was all about. Is it a love song, or just swooning over an infant? Is it about dancing, sex or just playing in a bouncy castle? At this point I can't hear the lyric baby in a song without picturing it being sung to a toddler.

I pick up my daughter at nursery pretty much the same way each time. It's just after lunch. I come in the room and see her playing. Eventually she looks up at me and her eyes just shine and she smiles. And to this day the lyrics the sparkle in your eyes keeps me alive have taken on a completely different meaning. It’s shocking how much peace and solace your child can give you. Turns out that kiss-it-all-better works both ways.

Anyway, not to belabour the point, here's a smattering of lyrics and I can no longer hear without thinking about my child:

You think you're tired now, but wait until three
All I ever wanted, all I ever needed Is here in my arms
Destroy everything you touch today, destroy me this way
Oh you've got green eyes, oh you've got blue eyes, oh you've got grey eyes. And I've never met anyone quite like you before.
Grabbing hands grab all they can all for themselves after all

And that's just off the top of my head. I could probably list dozens of these here.

Sunday, 19 October 2014

3 is a magic number

Within moments of turning 3, her personality took a shift to the difficult. It's one of the reasons I've not posted here for ages. That and work sucking up every waking minute not spent with my daughter.

Anyway, to the topic at hand – she's not become malicious or evil or anything, it's just a number of things are now harder. Obstinate. That sums up much of it. She has enough mastery of language to explain what she wants but not enough to be able to be reasoned with.

The troublesome threes have begun.

Other inconveniences are her wilful regressions. She can go to the loo by herself. But, when we're around she doesn't want to. Same with dinner. She can focus and eat a whole meal by herself, but she won't with us. It's like she's learned a skill, mastered it, and found it to be easier to not do it if someone else will do it for you. The only way I can think of solving this is to buy a new house with a different toilet and dining room.

And then she started nursery.

We're doing 3 days a week, 8am-1pm. Getting her up and out for 8am was a scary shift. For all of us. I've managed to get myself to bed by 3am most days since we started this, so that's a plus. But her sleep still hasn't got on track. She's mostly dropped her nap, and often misses her new earlier bed time, which means sleep deprivation might be cause of some of her 3-related personality shifts (she can join the club of overtired mood swings – I founded this local chapter).

Nursery has done a lot of good for her. She's hanging out with other children her age on a regular basis, and loves it. When she leaves nursery at the end of the day, it sometimes turns into hugs-for-everyone time.
It's like she's just discovered that there's this thing called "other people" and you can do things with them. On friday, on the way home from the park she just walked up to a couple at a bus stop, introduced herself and told them she was three. Every time we've been to a park for the past month she picked at least one smaller child, befriended them, and took them all over the playground Come, come, come, let's play!.

She also eats far better at nursery. It's the combination of someone besides us feeding her, her getting stuff we never cook at home, and them having a dedicated member of staff whose job it is to make a variety of foods for a shedload of picky babies and toddlers.

On the other hand, the grammar of some of the staff at nursery is horrendous. While I can find it hard to complain about having east-end accents in a Hackney day care, I'd at least expect better conjugation of "to be". The only think that consoles me is that the girl used "yourself" correctly in conversation the other day, so all must not be lost.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Well, that backfired

The girl took a small cardboard puzzle she had done and threw all the pieces all over the floor. I demanded she pick it up and put the mess away into its box. She refused, saying the box was a bed for another toy. I told her, fine. If I have to pick it up, I'm just throwing it away.

Ok.

Okay then. Do you want to throw it out or should I

You do it, please.

I'm throwing it out now.

I pick it all up and throw it in the recycling bin while she watches.

Two minutes later she find a piece which fell under a rug Oh!

Throw it out then.

Big grin Okay! And she cheerfully takes it over to the bin and throws it out.

This happened twice more, all with as happy a result. Somehow I had more in mind to teach her if she does not clean up she'll lose her toys, not if she doesn't clean up she gets to throw things in the bin. Not the effect I was going for

Sunday, 8 June 2014

The Sims

The little girl's been playing The Sims on her iPad since a few months after she turned 2, and is still at it several months later. I was a bit dubious about introducing her to it, but I'm pretty sure now I chose well. I picked the Sims because it's just a dollhouse game, and well, she has a dollhouse, so why not? There's no danger or skills required or violence or anything really out her understanding. And it's turned out to be helpful in some ways.

For starters, her ability to interact with the UI is as good as anyone's. There's an in-game task of catching ghosts where she has to tap on a randomly moving ghost. She gets it pretty often.

When she first started playing she'd sometimes start hunting for ghosts in our house. It was cute. She'd walks around with a stick or some kind, pointing in random directions, saying I'm hunting ghosts. Occasionally I'd hold up a toy or something and say It's a ghost! quick! tap it and she'd tap it with her finger repeatedly until she declared Yey! I got it

Anyway, back on topic. You can make the people in the game do things like eat, go the loo, etc. We've instilled in her that the people must must must wash their hands after going to the loo. If one of them walks away before washing their hands we make a very big deal of it oh no! He's got to wash his hands. Get him back. To the point that not only will we occasionally hear her yell at the box no! Wash your hands!, but she's usually very clear that she needs to wash her hands after using the loo.

Same thing with pets. When a person plays with a dog or cat I tell her they need to wash their hands. If the girl touches me after touching an animal, I'm allergic enough it will really do me in. So having a place for her to practice it is helpful.

She did point out recently that they have toothbrushes on their sinks, and was very confused when I told her she couldn't make them brush their teeth.

The sims can be dressed in many outfits. I advise her on what outfits work and what looks terrible. More a case of me instilling my tastes on her, I know. But at least we talk about what she likes vs what I like. And in a place where the people wearing those clothes won't be offended by our fashion policing.

I do have to turn the sound off whenever she plays. The music is a little grating after a while, but the main reason is the sims speak a made up language that sounds like English. This I found, to my horror, was interfering with her learning to talk. When she started playing she was only just starting to beat words into sentences. When I found her randomly peppering her speech with sim-words, I immediately went into the settings and turned off taking forever. As complaints against the game goes, it's pretty minor, considering the designers didn't have the impact on learning to speak in mind when they added the fake words.

We do get into arguments about some things. She has to go to work. No she doesn't. No really the game said it was time. No. She has to take a bath now! This never ends well. You see, the game has quests and other things you need to do to keep the fake little people alive and happy. But the girl can't read so she thinks all these things I say we need to do after there's a popup are just my whimsey.

She also likes to buy things using the in-game money ("simoleons"). Sometimes I'd be saving up to buy some rather expensive things like a cat or house. You see, after she goes to sleep, I set the sims on the tasks of making simoleons or "life points". Which takes a while, but it means we can do more fun things when she next plays the game. But, not infrequently, she'll, when my back is turned for a few seconds, spend some huge amount it took me weeks to acquire. Often on something meaningless like a chair.

That leads to arguments.

Sometimes L has to intervene and take the game away from both of us. Until we can show we can play nicely together.

I think these cases are more learning points for me. Get me used to how she treats limited resources and how to convince her to use them wisely. Or at least to understand what is a frivolous purchase and what would actually make her happy to have.

We're not there yet

All in all, the game seems to be doing her some good. Kind of like an interactive What Do People Do all Day but without the anthropomorphisation. I'd recommend it if you have a non-fragile device you feel safe leaving your kid alone with.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

Eating out

Very odd experience eating out tonight. We ate out at a restaurant tonight, and the girl behaved exquisitely. It was the best she'd behaved at a restaurant in essentially two years. Last time she did this she wasn't walking yet or eating solid food, and was spent the whole time attached to one of us in a sling.

We sat down, and she patiently put up with L and I talking adult things (business, childcare, etc) while she did a little bit of drawing. She happily ate all of her appetiser while we waited like 20 minutes for the mains to come out. Every moment I got more and more nervous she'd break down and run away. But she just sat there, occasionally asking for more water or help with the pen. When the mains finally arrived, she ate it. With a fork. A real full-sized fork. Admittedly she needed help with about 40% of the meal, and the first half of the meal I had to blow on the stuff to cool it down enough (surprisingly hot for a children's meal). But she sat there patiently thought the entire meal. Only when we left the place and were safely in the tube station on the way home did I turn to her and tell her proud of her I was for behaving so well. I felt if I even alluded to it in passing, even to L when the girl wasn't looking, I'd ruin it and she'd cause a ruckus.

I'm still a bit shocked. I have two theories as to how this happened. The first one is that we went to a museum beforehand to see Club to Catwalk at the V&A before it closed down. The girl enjoyed running about the place, climbing stairs, watching the video installations, and (outside the exhibit) pointing out the bottoms and crotches on all the statues. It's one of the very few times we've had an opportunity to get her a bit of activity in after her nap and before dinner. If this is what happens when she gets some exercise after her nap, I am damn well going to find some way to get her some bloody exercise before dinner more regularly. Even if that is my most exhausted and useless time of the day.


My other theory is more pessimistic. Every time she starts behaving well for me she gets a fever 3 or 4 days later. The only time I ever got her to fall asleep while reading to her (what I thought was a great triumph at the time) turns out to be just before she came down with a cold. Likewise the time I thought she finally got the rules of walking on city streets in her head and started to hold my hand when we were walking together, she again got sick a few days later. Dashing my hopes we'd won the behaviour battle. I really hope an incoming illness was not the cause of the good behaviour at dinner and that it was something that can be cured with a decent application of running around.

Friday, 14 February 2014

I've seen the future

One possible future. A future in which having a family doesn't mean giving up a career.

L and I recently met with a client. We have friends that work at the site, and a couple of them were willing to look after the girl while we did a demo session on our software. After we were done, we picked up the girl, had lunch and got on with the day.

This got me thinking, what if it were always like this?

Imagine childcare being ubiquitous and available on demand. You work from home and need to visit a client? Bring the child with and drop her off at the on-site day care. You need someone to look after your little ones while you're at work? Bring them in with you, leave them in day care and visit them during lunch and breaks. Spend your coffee break with your kid and your coworkers' kids in a little play and chat session.

Imagine if daycare spots weren't precious, closely-guarded resources only available to a select few at a great cost. But if they were cheap and plentiful enough you could just take advantage of it like a cloakroom. (Obviously not treating the children like coats, but the comfort you feel when you hand over a coat knowing full well it will be well looked after and safe and happy when you come back for it). Your child would be around when you were able to look after her and, when you need help, it's there for as short or long periods as you need. It's just there, easy and reliable.

I'm not going to even try to conceive of how this world could come about, let alone how the mechanics would work. It's just now I can picture what childcare in an enlightened world could look like.

And I'm jealous.