So this happened

Gestation begins anew!

Well, not really begins. Began. Not quite sure when though. L is either 4 or 8 weeks pregnant. Which puts us at expecting a baby sometime in July 2017. So far, all I can say is second child is very different. Where the first pregnancy was a life changingly shocking in a I've got make some tea. Wait I don't drink tea kind of way. This one was more of a Take it in stride. Take it in stride. OMFG are we doing the right thing? feeling.

L had been feeling pregnancy symptoms for a several days now, but the timing was off. Then again, she'd been feeling symptoms off and on for a few months. So clearly her body was up to something, but that something was not incubation. Twice so far the signs were there, but the tests said no. But this time the signs were stronger, with a bladder the size of a thimble being the most telling. So yesterday morning before the school run L did a pregnancy test.

I knew keeping R in the dark about trying for another child would be challenging. But being that we'd been keeping it from friends, coworkers and family, I didn't think much about it. It just makes it harder to have all the conversations L and I need to have. And in terms of the test, unlike last time where we looked at the results together, L just came out of the loo and subtly told me to take a look on the counter.

It was positive.

But we couldn't talk about it. Just a quick discussion while over breakfast while R got dressed. L made an appointment the GP for after R's school run, and I… well, not much I could do at this point. I went to work.

We spoke on the phone after the doctor’s appointment. They told L It's your second child, and you did a test, and you said you feel pregnant, so we believe you. Expect a letter in the next few days to set up your first midwife appointment. So that's the effect of the Tory cuts then. At least last time they did their own test to reconfirm things. Now, we weren't sure how far along things were. The timing of the symptoms implied she was pregnant before this cycle's fertile period. But she'd had a period, albeit a relatively mild one. So either the symptoms where phantom and the pregnancy started about 3 weeks ago, or the period was phantom (which can happen) and it started a month before that. The GP told us to plan for the latter since it's easier to slow down the whole midwifery process than to speed it up. So I guess that means our first appointment in a week or so, and the 12 week scan late next month.

So, last night, after R was in bed we finally got a chance to talk about it. Not that there's much we can do now. Beyond We really need to clean the house and Damn, I was hoping I could finally put our nice rugs back down without risk of someone peeing on them. A new bed for R. Got to decide if we're up for a home birth or not. Clothes and nappies. But there is time.

We're doing the usual not telling people til the week 20 scan and we're sure everything is going ok. We’ve told some of the immediate family. L told her sister while R was at school. We also caught my parents and brother on Skype between American Thanksgiving dinner and dessert. I made sure the nieces and nephews were out of the room when we told them since children couldn't keep a secret if they were in a secret making factory and were given easy-attach leashes to keep their secrets from getting away.

We've not had a chance to tell L’s parents yet. That’ll be tomorrow I guess.

8 month checkup

We had the 8 month checkup today. It went better than I expected. The health visitor running it may not have been completely on the ball, but she was quite personable, which goes a long way to making the whole experience better.

The thing is pretty simple, which is probably why we got no details in advance. People with an 8 month or so old child show up at 10am. Whoever comes that day is seen. First they weigh the kid, then everyone sits around a big playmat while the health visitor asks us questions about sleeping, eating, excreting, and so on.

Three babies showed up today. The other two families were a baby boy, an older sister and a mother. Not only was I the only father there, I was the only male over 9 months. The other two babies were barely just sitting up. My little one, held up by me, toddled over to the playmat, plopped down and started crawling. She stopped when she found a small rubber duck which she popped in her mouth and started chewing (I suggested she get some hoisin sauce to go with it).

One family was seen separately due to not speaking English. So really it was 2 babies and their parents being questioned. L did most of the talking for us. I'm not sure if I was just being quiet, or if the health visitor was subtly directing all questions at her. Or maybe she just likes talking about our child. L says it's like a woman in the sciences – if you don't speak up you'll be completely looked over.

After the group questions, the two families took turns doing 1:1 with the health visitor. Answering questions and getting answers to whatever was on our minds. Turns out all issues we wondered about the wee one are pretty common and will work out over time. It was mostly things like her standing funny and her bloodshot eyelid. She's also a bit small for her age, but that might just be due to all the colds she's had lately. They said to come back in 6 weeks and see if the little one's fallen down another percentile group. I didn't want to ask them anything too esoteric or prone to soapbox opinions, since I doubt we'd have gotten anything we didn't already know – read a book or follow my dubious advice.

Seeing the babe with other children her age is a huge contrast. She's soooooo inquisitive. Craning her neck here and there to see what was happening just out of sight. Picking up and playing and chewing on everything (I'm still worried we'll get another fever out of that exchange). With one child she would have taken the dummy right from his mouth if we'd not stopped her.

We're so going to have our hands full with this one. But it's worth it. She's all smiles and excitement and delight. Just an amazing little creature who just drinks in the world around her. She'll sometimes just sit and stare at some other child and a day or two later she's got an impressive new skill. Today she was all about showing off what she can do as much as she could. I'm really impressed by her. I know that by the time they hit 5, all these development differences disappear. But for now I half-facetiously think that it must be good genes or hybrid vigour and that maybe she is a wunderkind.

Nothing new

We had the Maternal Foetal Assessment today. Which means we got another scan to figure out why the baby is still in her mum. They waved the magic scanning wand around and ticked off lots of measurements on the screen. Everyone seemed happy. The wife was all healthy. The baby was all healthy. Nothing to be concerned about, beyond her tardiness. In the end we found:

• Her head is 11cm across. The cervix dilates to 10cm. That will be fun.
• She weighs about 6 pounds 12oz. Which is a bit small, but more than I weighed when I was born. So I'm not worried.
• She has hair. The technician pointed it out to us on the monitor See that white stuff there. That's hair. Considering both the wife and I were born with hair, this should not be a surprise.
• She has a 66% chance of being born in the next 7-10 days, on her own, without intervention. Which would be nice, since we just finished the raspberry leaf tea today.

After that, we saw the midwife. She told us the baby's 40% engaged, so at least the progress bar is moving forward. They want to induce next Thu. If the inducement is insufficiently enticing for the wee one, they'll have to put the wife on an oxytocin drip – which means labour ward only, no birthing centre. So we're going to try to hold out till at least the 8th before accepting the induction. Everything is going so smoothly, I don't want to break the pattern just so the medical team can have nice looking numbers for this quarter.

On the trip home we impulse bought a new printer and a pint of ice cream. Both were cheaper than the new PC we actually do need, since mine is slowly falling apart. Off to test the hardware now.

Meet the midwives

Today was the week 34 midwife appointment. Each one seems to be less milestonish than the one before. Today they took blood and urine and blood pressure. All seemed perfectly normal. They didn't bother with weight or anything. They did a quick palpation for the little one's position: head down, back to the right side. Then checked for the heartbeat. Barring the confirmation that she's head down, nothing was particularly interesting there. I can hear the heartbeat myself at this point – so nothing new for me.

Though, now that I think of it, I suppose the wife would like to get to hear it too.

Last week we went down to the open house "meet the midwives" day they do at UCH for people in low risk pregnancies. If you are low risk you can use the birthing centre and are generally just attended on by midwives, seeing a doctor only if things warrant it (and to be discharged). They have the open house so you can get to know them. Or perhaps so they can get to know you and treat you less like an ungrateful incubator when the time comes.

I noticed a few things. First, most of the blokes there looked really uncomfortable. The wife pointed out that none of the other couples did anything like holding hands or showing signs of affection. Another thing – about half the people were late. I shouldn't judge people on things like that, but it annoyed us that we sat through the same questions more than once. FWIW, I was pleased that when the 2nd midwife answered the same thing as the 1st one.

We weren't the oldest ones there. The youngest looked in their late 20s (though it's kind of hard to tell). But it makes sense if you think that only the older 1st time people really care to go out of their way to plan every detail of the birth. I can see how a 20 year old wouldn't be arsed.

Anyway, I am glad I went. I got my tedium questions answered How is parking - Hard. Just pay for a nearby car park; Is there Internet access - No. That sort of thing. And at least none of the midwives give me the creeps, which bodes well.

As a side note, somehow, not long ago, babies became cute instead of annoying. I now go over to friends' places to see or play with them. I'm not quite sure when that started. I know that anytime I see a small child and parents in public I observe them - that I know started after the pregnancy. But it doesn't feel any different than when we were looking for a flat and I noticed and observed every estate agent and for sale sign I saw.

I feel like I'm testing myself. Watching children to see what behaviour I can tolerate and what I still think is inappropriate (and avoidable to a good parent, I'm sure). I do believe I can do this and actually enjoy it, all the while not messing up this girl too terribly.

Seeing the GP

She had the wk16 appointment on Monday. A minor event which consisted only of getting the GP up to speed with what the midwives at UCH have done so far. I joined her, as usual, since two brains remember things better than one. For the most part it was going through what paper work the UCH had and what the GP needed, and how they kind of, but don't really talk to each other except via the folder we take to the appointments. So the wk16 appointment appears to be more administrative that medical.

However, Our attendance was rewarded at the end, when the doctor asked do you want to hear the heartbeat?

Of course, the answer was yes, so she spent the never several minutes waving a small wand over the wife's belly trying to find the heartbeat. We got to hear the placental blood flow plus the various standard noises the innards make, but the foetal heartbeat was being elusive. Eventually she found the little tyke, and we got to listen to the rapid thumping for a little bit before the batteries finally gave out. Which makes me rather glad she found it when she did.

It was nice to hear the heartbeat. Any reminder that my offspring is still in there is a good thing – there are not enough clear external signs yet. It seems to cheer me up as well, so I spend the rest of the day in a fairly good mood.

Ultrasound

Monday was the ultrasound scan. We found the place pretty easily this time since it where we accidentally ended up when we first went to UCH. At the reception they asked if we wanted photos from the scan, which would cost £2. The wife asked if they were on CD, to which they replied that the photos were on paper.

At this point a couple of things struck me. First that, really, in 2011, they would just print out the photos? Surely it would be trivial to burn to CDROM. The second was £2? Surely the cost of ink and paper would be only a few pence. I can see how they get away with it. £2 is certainly more than it actually costs to print the scan, but it's just small enough to say well, why not? So they get away with it (though I did overhear that some hospitals don't charge at all.)

We were called back immediately which was nice, especially since we were early (wanted to get to work at a reasonable hour, and the appointment was at 10). The usual height, weight and blood pressure, then we went to the ultrasound room.

The ultrasound machine had a massive CRT monitor. Another thing I'm surprised to see in 2011.

There were two technicians. One was obviously a bit more experienced than the other. However, the less experienced one was chattier and spoke loud enough we could clearly hear her, which was nice. She started the scan by pouring a mass of cold jelly on the wife's belly and moving around the magic sonogram wand. She said this is the bladder (big empty space), and this is your uterus (a smaller empty space), followed by you're definitely not 12 weeks pregnant.

At this point I do a minor very small panic. I mean, I know it's been 12 weeks. She tested positive at 5 weeks, and we couldn't be off by more than 2 weeks, and even a 10 week foetus would certainly be visible, and there was nothing there. One of the worries we'd been having was that there was no real direct sign she's pregnant. What if she's not pregnant? What do we do? Start trying again? Wait til we're more financially stable? What could have gone wrong? There's been no obvious showing or sickness. The only signs were the aching breasts. And lack of periods for 3 months. And oversensitive senses. And two positive tests. And she gets full really easily. And she.........

In the five seconds I'm doing my panic, the other technician comes over and says try looking over here, moves the wand a few cm and there it is on the monitor. A tiny little squirming person painted in little grainy specks.

Wow. It's real.

Still ultrasound pictures just don't prepare you for a real scan. The pictures are just blurry snapshots that you have to wrap your brain around. They never look like a baby. They look like… I don't know… something anatomical.

When it's live on video, it's clearly a baby. Your brain interpolates the video frames into the real picture. It's got the classic baby button nose and face. Hands and toes and it wriggles and sucks its thumb. Gets bored and turns over just when the technician is taking a measurement. All kinds of things a human would do (or a puppy, I'm not being prejudiced).

They measured all kinds of things. The more refined due date is 22 July, adjusted by 1 day from our initial estimates. We also got to hear the heartbeat (and see it). It's really very fast, like a beagle or something. For the nose bone measurement, the technician had to gentle prod the wee one to get it to move its hands out of the way. It was kind of cute watching it move.

I asked if they could tell the sex. The technician responded that it's not very clear this early and they wouldn't know for sure. She looked at the scanner for a bit and told us, saying that she was 70% confident. Given that that's only slightly better than the 50% chance of random guessing, I won't mention it here til we know for sure.

After the first set of scans they handed me the printouts of some of the better shots of the foetus. I flipped through them while the wife was having her BMI taken. They’re small and grainy (and at some point I'll have to find a scanner to get them digitised), but they're they only shots I have of the wee one, so they're kinda special anyway.

There was some more waiting while the test results came in. We hardly had time to slip through the scans before they called us back in for the results. All the blood tests and measurements showed nothing to be concerned about, which was a great relief. So I'm a bit more comfortable telling people now. So I think I'll start telling family and some friends in person (those we can manage to meet in person, it's so hard to meet up with people in January) before making any sort of public announcement.

The first antenatal appointment

We had our first antenatal appointment at UCH on Thursday.

First of all, the EGA wing at UCH has like fifty different maternity and baby-related departments, so even if you know what floor you're going to, that doesn't really help. Finding the right building was easy, especially since I went to UCL next door and have been up and down Gower Place hundreds of times (though that was before the renovations). But finding the right room... I guess they don't realise that to someone not used to the whole having children thing, that every single department is a synonym for pregnant, child, or mother (maternity, fetal, antenatal, etc).

We found the right room after a small diversion in the ultrasound waiting room.

About 1/4 of the women there were accompanied by men. I definitely plan to go with the wife to all her appointments. It's not that I don't trust her, I just want to know what’s going on with my offspring and what we should expect.

I also know how easy it is to get swept up in things and never get a chance to ask those burning questions which have slipped your mind. With two of you, there's more of a chance to not miss anything. It's like when one of us sees a spider – the one who sees the spider freaks out, and the other one mumbles "Oh, FFS" and just deals with it. It doesn't matter who sees the spider first. I guess it's the whole "I must protect my partner" instinct that kicks in. The same thing happens in doctors offices. The one who's being seen is intimidated by the doctor and the other one asks all the difficult questions.

They took blood and urine and a bit of a family history. Eventually they asked some questions about me, so at least I didn't feel too much like a fifth wheel. Then came the shedload of paperwork and information. I've only made it most of the way though one of the pamphlets, so I'll likely post about that later.

Apparently she needs to be seen every fortnight or so, alternating between our GP and UCH. We set up two more appointments and I suppose we have to sort out the GP ones ourselves. The next is the 12 week ultrasound which is coming up soon. I'm really looking forward to that since, so far, we have no idea if things are going well or not. I mean, the wife seems healthy and getting by just fine, but, beyond the sore bosoms, there's really no active sign anything's going on.