Home Stretch

From today we have 4 weeks to go til the due date. The wife's doing well, though the hardcore pregnancy effects are starting to take hold. Especially the feet swelling. I doubt we'll be doing much in the way of marches anytime soon. Milk production seems to be kicking off. Which means I expect more and more achey breasts.

We saw the midwife today. The wee one is head down, but not yet engaged (thank sod). Heartbeat's doing fine, she's the right bump size. So all seems good.

I'm adjusting my life a bit too. No more work travel. I'm also hoping to get my big work project done before the birth. Due date's the 22nd. Project completion on the 27th. So there is a chance. But I'm also worried that during some important meeting or workshop I'll get a phone call saying "birth in 2 hours" and I'll have to drop everything and run. We're also trying to get all the work on the flat done in time. At least get the home into a liveable state so we can fill it with baby things and stuff. In the meanwhile we're living in the dining room until all the bedroom floors are done. Fun! I've been moving all the furniture in the flat from room to room. Each time I move things I seem to be clumsier and clumsier. Cursed narrow Victorian hallways.

I keep being shocked to realise it's four weeks left. I keep thinking it's five, which is just fine. But when I remember it's four, I kinda head to panic mode. I just need to make sure I don't actually panic.

I do look forward to the kid being around, but also I do like her where she is. It's fun having a mystery wriggle-beast in the wife's belly. Plus no nappy changing yet – I'm not looking forward to that, tho I suppose I'll just deal with it when I can. I've got the intensive NCT classes starting tomorrow. I hope they do actually prepare me for what's in store. I'll be really annoyed if they're no better than reading a selection of books - they're not cheap.

The effect of music.

We went to a festival recently with lots of people we don't see very often. For most of them, this is the first time they've seen us since finding out. For others, this is where they found out. The wife wore tight clothes to especially show off her state.

The best reaction was one person, who, once she realised, stood there, mouth open, pointing and saying Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Most people secretly wondered, but did not ask until we (or someone else) broached the issue. All of them had a story about a time they'd gotten it wrong and are now very reluctant to ask.

We went out to one club night. The music was good, but it might have been too loud. The little one started squirming quite a lot, so we decided to go home. No idea if the music was annoying, uncomfortable, or if the wee one was actually really enjoying it. I can live with a bit of short term resentment on the off chance it was actually enjoying it and dancing – I'm sure foetal grudges aren't too long.

We looked up the effects of loud music online afterwards and came to the conclusion that no one has the slightest idea. Great. There goes the ability to have guilt-free fun on nights out for the next few months. Then again there was little complaining from the little one during the actual gigs we saw – only the club night.

I've decided to make an in utero playlist of music to play up until birth. The genres range from classical to current pop. No children's music. We can play loads of that after the birth. This is all interesting sounding music, that, at best will give the wee one something to listen to and stimulate all those forming neurons. At worst, I’m hoping it'll install an a priori liking for music we like.

I'm still editing and trimming the list down to remove all the really fast music. I don't want it to come out a hyper little bunny.

Another discovery: before, conversation would orbit around baby and baby things. Now conversation pulls over a chair squarely into the middle of baby, sits down and makes itself comfortable, pausing only to fetch a footstool so it can go the long haul. I don't mind talking about the pregnancy, the forthcoming child, or anything of that sort. In fact I rather enjoy it. I've learned that parents seem to love gushing about their offspring, and I'm not an exception (though, to be honest, there's nothing to actually gush about yet, unless you consider the ability to wriggle gushworthy). All that said, I do like talking about other things. I am still me after all.

Kicking and reading

The little one was been moving around enough that even I can feel it. The wife's been giving me reports for a while of various pokings and shufflings, but I've only directly felt anything a few times. It involves a lot of me sitting there with my hand on the wife's belly waiting for something to happen. Not that I mind.

We've been reading each other things, so there's plenty of time for sitting and waiting. I've mostly been reading excerpts from From Here to Paternity and Angela Carter's Book of Fairy Tales. It's mostly for the foetal-one's benefit since it really needs to get used to hearing my voice. The former book is easy since it's just straightforward informative monologue. The latter is a bit harder since I've been using multiple voices for the dialogue in the fairy tales, in practice for reading to the baby once it's out. It's surprisingly hard to come up with new voices on the fly, especially when you have no idea how many characters the story is going to have and double especially when you can't always tell who is speaking. I often find myself forgetting what voices I used at the start of the story when throw-away characters turn out to be significant later.

Why is the prince's father now Canadian? Wasn't he Russian earlier?

Ah. Yes. You see he'd been listening to a lot of CBC while his son was captured by the witch, and it kind of rubbed off on him.

The wife, on the other hand, has been reading to me from pregnancy books and web sites. Each week she reads a Your Baby at Week x from a few different places, so we know how big it is and what organs it had this week. Last night she was reading a section from a new book which covered how to recognise when you're near and in labour.

Anyways, I seem to have gotten sidetracked. Most of the movement I've felt so far can only describe a light brushing. It kind of reminds me of the movement under the covers someone makes when they shift when sleeping (probably because that's essentially what it is). Last night was the first sudden and obvious movement that I could feel. Did you feel that? Wow. Yes. You mean that wasn't you? It felt like she'd strongly flexed a muscle. After that it settled down and went back to its subtle shifting movements. At each one I'd ask Was that —? Yup.

I was in the middle of writing a cover letter when I got distracted and started writing this. I really need to get back to applying for jobs, so I have some income when the baby arrives. It's just that it's so much easier and interesting to write about impending fatherhood than to gently segue into my ability to collaborate with external stakeholders.

I got a no from the job I interviewed for yesterday. It was for a contracting house. I strongly suspect the reason they rejected me is because I clearly stated that I will not work offsite anywhere I can't return to London every night. When I was a toddler my father worked in a different city during the week, and came home on weekends. I didn't resent him for it – in fact, it made it exciting whenever he'd come back (Daddy's home!). My mum would stuff a very sleepy and pyjamad me and my brother in the car and drive to the train station to pick him up.

It can't have been easy on my mother raising two small children by herself during the week (did we have a nanny? I vaguely recall someone else being around, but I can't remember), and it can't have been easy on my father not being around for large chunks of time. I promised myself (and my wife) that I would not do that. Not that I think it's wrong, but I personally I want to be around as much as possible for my kid's babyhood.

The beast stirs!

I felt it move!

It wasn't a kick or some other sudden obvious movement like I'd expected. It was just a slow moving along the inside of the belly. Like a light stroke.

Wow. This does make it all the more real. That and we're just about to start week 20 — we're just about halfway done. I need to start tidying up the place and making room for all the stuff we're going to have to get.